I feel like I've had 7L of caffeine intravenously injected. I cant sleep, I cant study, I'm tired, my body's tired, but I can't stop twitching. I can't watch tv, because everyone speaks too slow, I cant go out with friends, because I'm too restless to get involved in a conversation. And I don't want to snap at anyone.
If I just sit for a second and do nothing, it feels like my blood is trying to force it's way out of my body, explode out through my skin. My mind is constantly on the edge of panic, if I relax into it, everything will go white.
At least I had the energy and inclination to get some things done today, but 7 hours in 5 airless offices, half a tank of fuel, 8 dim-witted receptionists, 6 phone calls and a headache later, I'm not feeling very friendly. I've been dealing all day with people whose job it is to make my life easier, and yet, save one, their sole desire seems to be to make it harder.
I used to really like feeling this agitated, I used to go out and get drunk and be the centre of attention. And everything was good, and life would be good, and there were colors everywhere and music sounded so good it was like a drug.
Right now everything is sharp, but sound is annoying and the colors are making my eyes hurt. I'm surly and angry at everyone, without reason.
Life doesn't feel pointless or hard, it feels like it's moving too slow, and it's pissing me off that it doesn't keep up.