Sometimes I get sudden flashes of the futility of life; the unstoppable process of aging and the ever-more-quickly passing years punch me full in the face and say "your life will be over before you know it."
It takes me by surprise; I'm a planner, a dreamer, the future has always been a vast neverland of possibilities, now I see 30, then 40 - all of a sudden, hijacking all the outrageous excitement of youth, surely wasted.
I agonize over every moment already lost to me, especially this past year which has been a blur of pain and delusion.
The panic totally grips me, I'm terrified of every day that makes me older.
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