Teen Angst

An excerpt from a conversation with a new friend of mine with a bpd/depression/anxiety diagnoses.

F: "I've only mentioned my problems to one mate of mine, a woman who suffers from Bipolar and Depression. Although it annoys me sometimes as she's so open with it, it's like they can't be real issues because she's almost... Flaunting it. Almost always something will trigger a blatant, "But that's cos I have BP lol!" or "Yeah I'm crazy, Deal with it lol!". Yeah, well, maybe you should shut the fuck up cos some of us actually have problems. She tried to "kill herself" a month or so ago. Took a few valiums and zolofts and then cut herself, drank some wine and called an ambulance. I know it's probaly terrible of me, but I can't help but think it's just attention and validation she seeks as even her attempts are completely hollow."

Z: "I find it very hard to distinguish between the teen-angsty types who actually like having mental issues, or like thinking they do or might, and the people who really are ill. it bothers me that i think that way too, because it makes me unsure whether i think what i'm going through is real or me having a whinge. i wish there was a physical test they could do on us - like, yeah, this one has legitimately crazy cells, shes not just attention seeking.

the part i struggle with the most is the lame attempted suicides. I get cutting etc as a release, i have my own self harming behaviours, but ive never contemplated suicide half-heartedly. when my pdoc asked me how id do it, my response was - id get a scalpel (science student) and do it properly, no pills or crashing my car or jumping off a bridge, they might be more peaceful or dramatic respectively but i wouldnt take the chance i might not succeed, or worse, do permenant damage to myself and have to live with that.

so i find people who swallow a handful of pills and a bottle of wine....hard to understand, and i also blame them for some of the stigma associated with genuinely hardcore depressed people - i cant talk about suicidal thoughts with anyone because they sound so incredibly lame and emo."

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