Dark Periods

An excerpt from a conversation with a new friend - recently diagnosed BPD.

X:"I know that it will pass, but I know that it will always come back. This is what I constantly despair about when I am down, that I feel like I will never be free from this emotional hell. I have been like this all my life, it is all I know, and I honestly can't ever see myself being any different. No one in my life understands, they see it as something I do to myself and therefore it is my fault for not getting better. I don't really blame them for not understanding. I can't imagine what all this must look like to an outsider looking in."

Z:"I too despair that it will always come back. After my worst episode ever, the first time I seriously contemplated suicide, and I mean seriously with intention, I decided I would go to a psychiatrist and if they gave me medication and it made me feel better I would do that, if not, I would end it. I simply cannot exist with that much pain, even if there are good periods in between. I'm having a fairly good week this week and as usual I feel its all a bit melodramatic, but I also know a dark period is just around the corner.

I hate that they see it as this attention grabbing act we put on, like it's a choice. If they knew even half of what we go through they would never imagine we choose to feel this way."